i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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