I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Randomize
