Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
