If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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