A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
