Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
The best revenge is premature balding
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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