My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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