Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize