I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
