Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I believe in your delicious
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