The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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