She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
