11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
you inspire me to be a worse person
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Two words: blizzard sex
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
