Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
