I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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