I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
