Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
