I understand Curling. That high.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize