how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
