It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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