I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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