you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
