Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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