Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Cover your peen. We're going out.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
