He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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