i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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