Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
