i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
