I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
he was CRYING into my vagina
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
