Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
