I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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