We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
My boob is missing a layer of skin
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize