so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Fuck appropriateness.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
