you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
