I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
