shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize