You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
whose parrot is this?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
