If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
