I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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