I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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