Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
