She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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