I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
