You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
