I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
