I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
