I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
