Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
