I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
