Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
