He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
