I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
