he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
