life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
You smell like stripper and shame
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
A bitchslap is in order.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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