Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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