Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
