just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
