You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
