Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
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