you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
