I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Everyone says I win the strip club
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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