i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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