Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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