don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
