well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
