Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
Randomize