im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
