wanna go halves on a baby?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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