Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
