guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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