Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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